10:16:45 PM

The Online Magazine FOR and ABOUT Southside Virginia

3/27/2023

Ask Bubba

Happy Bubba-Ween

Dear Bubba,
   I am new to Southside and need some advice about how local folks celebrate Halloween. I dun't know whether to stay home or go out. And I haven't gots a clue what to wear as a costume.

  Signed,

Spooked in Apple-mad-Ax

Dear Spooked,

   Bubba is glad you axed,

   It gives him a chance to put out some publick service type info for the safety and welfare of kids (of all ages) everywhere.

   You didn't say how old you was, so Bubba is gonna take a shot at assumin' you are under 40 and are a bit confused about the custom for kids over the age of 12.

   But some of this is good for any age, so hang onto yer mask.

   A word of advice to newcomers -

    In mostly rural Southside, if you live in anything that even remotely resembles a neighborhood be advised kids are gonna be trucked in by the score. So you better stock up ahead on the good stuff.
If however you nearest neighbor is more than a mile away, you can pretty much skip this holiday. Git yourself invited to a halloween party instead.
Old-timers already know this stuff.

   New or old, if you are going to or giving, a halloween party, the advice below might come in handy.

- Bad Halloween party ideas -

�Bobbing for Bacon

�Trick or Beer

�Pin the tail on the neighbor

�Flashlight tag - with highway flares.

�Hot potato - with twice baked potatoes

�Boiling water balloon toss

�Red Light - Green Light
In real traffic

�Duck-Duck-Goose
'Nuff said?

- Bad Costume ideas -

�Any costume what needs 2 people.
Especially bad if YOU wind up being the behind part of the horse.

�Any politician who has been impeached

�Any Superhero more than 5 years out of date.

�ANY Spice Girl - EVER

�Anything that requires your mother's best dress
OR
Size 13 women's pumps.

�Anything requiring spandex
Elvira look-a-likes exempt from the above.

�Any costume requiring removal to use the outhouse

�Anything utilizing appliance boxes

�Tinman costume with no joints.

�Anything that requires you to have more agility than an olympic gymnast to get into or out of is a bad idea

�Anything requiring you to wear a sign around your neck explaining it, so people "get it" - ain't gonna be funny.

�Anything that may cause nightmares, bed wetting or extensive therapy in children over the age of 12 is a bad idea.

�Anything that may require you to produce proper ID and/or Dr's release papers when questioned by the local police.

�Costumes with parts obtained only from the local dumpster
Unless you are going as a dumpster diver.

�Anything flamable is a poor choice.

�Anything that may encourage an entourage of neighborhood dogs.
Example: Fire hydrant. Or See dumpster warning above.

�Anything that will leave trace odors or colors for more than 48 hours.

Avoid the costumes above and you might be alright.

- What NOT to offer Trick or Treaters -

(Or treats that will get you a trick)

This advice comes from real kids. (Maybe)

Kids want candy. Real candy. Not the ripoff fake brand name stuff.
Giving just ONE of the mini-size won't cut it neither

Here are a few others that will be sure to be big NON-hits.

�Any Coins
Paper money is OK.

�Any "Health Food"

�Happy Meal toys

�Printed material

�Easter Candy
(Even if it is from THIS Easter)

�Hard boiled eggs

�Dill pickles

   Hope this helps,

Bubba

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Dear Bubba,

   My kids want to carve some really cool Jack-o-Lanterns and I have no artistic talent.
I do have a Ginseu knife and a small chain saw, can you suggest some ideas or post a few pitchers of cool punkin's?

  Signed,

Punkin Head

Dear Head Punkin,

   Bubba ain't quite whatcha call smartistic himself, so in an effort to keep you from carvin' yerself into a mess, he went out on the Internet and swiped a few pics of Jack-o-Lanterns for you to get some idee's from.
Check 'em out below.

   Good luck,

Bubba

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That's all for this month.

If you have a question burnin' a hole in yer noggin, Bubba can help.

Just E-Mail Bubba
askbubba@discoversouthside.com 

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Disclaimer: Use of the Bogus advice above is probably foolish.
Notice these were all BAD ideas. Have a Safe and Happy Bubba-Ween

PS: If you are the rightful owner of any of the Jack-o-lantern pictures above, let us know and we will either remove them or give credit where it is due.