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The Online Magazine FOR and ABOUT Southside Virginia

10/5/2022

Ask Bubba

Skools Out - May '09

Dear Bubba,
   What with school out an all, me and my buds from the frat house are planning on taking a road trip for Memorial day weekend. Ya got any advise?

  Signed,

Rooooad Trip Mike

Dear RTM,

   Yeah, Bubba's got lots of ad-vice. (Some of it might even be worth readin')

   As a public service Bubba's gonna say LOUD an' CLEAR. Don't drink an' Drive.

   Here's more on the subject.

   Seems there has always been a problem with this. Here is a look at the O-Riginal MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers)

   Kinda makes ya wanna tie one on, don't it?

   But iffin ya must drink, be sure you gots one of them whatcha call "Dessicrated Drivers".

   'Cause the county Mounties is sure to be out there lookin' fer ya.

   Drunk Drivin' can even effect your ability to park.

   So if ya gets too drunk to drive, the Po-lice will be sure to offer ya a place to sleep it off.

   And for all ya who think ya can walk and chew gum, and really can't. For the love of Pete, PLEASE
Hang up and Drive. If you got to yack on the cell phone, be sure to use a hands free de-vice.

   Have a safe and Happy one,

Bubba

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Dear Bubba,

   It's that time of year when my kids are getting all worked up over tests and getting outta school for the summer.

   Here is where I needs your help. I don't understand all these funny letters for tests thay have nowdays.

   They got EOGs, and SOLs and SATs and PSATs and bears and lions and tiggers, oh heck.

   WHAT in the world do all these stand for and why do they have all that?

   Can you straighten this out for me?

  Signed,

Billy Letterman

Dear Billy (Yeah, I get it) Letterman,

   Don't feel too bad. Bubba is near as wrought up over this as you are.

   Back when Bubba was in school, we had "Final Exams." You took 'em and let the chips fall where they flew. You either passed or you didn't. If ya passed , all was good in the world and let summer vacation begin. If ya failed, you either went to summer school to git smarter, (if you didn't have to work on the farm) or you flunked and repeated the grade till ya got it right.

   Well, it seems to Bubba that being political correct has gots in the way of real learnin' . If you think you got it bad, Bubba has GOT to feel bad for the poor teachers whats gotta try to learn these kids with one hand tied behind they backs.

   Now, Bubba dun't 'spose there is much we can do to turn back the clock, but we will take a look at a coupla these tests and give ya the meaning of them. (As best as Bubba understands them anywho)

   EOG -

   Every One Grad-gee-ates

   This is what we used to call semi-final exams. Semi-final cause if ya don't get it right the first time you can take it again, and again....

   SOL -

   Say (It) Out Loud -

   As in iffin you can't get the answer, we will give it to ya - so you can pass anyway.

   This here test is took every coupla years to make sure that there is a level playin' field and no buddy gits lost in the shuffle.

   Also known as Scholar Or Loser

   If you pass you is a scholar, if you fail this test you are SOL - (Except you ain't really nowdays - cause nobuddy gits left on their behind - See also EOG)

   SAT -

   Stoopit Averaging Test. Called this onna counta most folks what takes it just pick the average letter and guess.

   PSAT -

   Pretty Stoopit Averaging Test. Practice test for the really Stoopit Averaging Test.

   ACT -

   Almost College Test

   Test looks O-fficial, but ain't really put out by any actual college anybuddy ever heard of.

   IEP -

   I Endure Paperwerk

   This is a thing that they make teachers spend a lotta time writing details of what they think they are gonna do to teach a kid who needs extra help, instead of wasting all that time actually doin' it.

   Also

   I Edu-ma-kate Poorly

   Which is the result of the above sit-e-ation

   An' finally

   ASVAB - Ain't Smart (enuff for) VoTech Are ya Boy ?

   We need any mo' ex-plane-ation than that ?

   Well, sir, Bubba hopes that straightens ya out on all the alphabet soup they slingin' these days.

   BOL (That's Best Of Luck),

Bubba

  Dear folks,

   Bubba needs make a special thisclaimer.