7:21:58 PM

The Online Magazine FOR and ABOUT Southside Virginia

7/9/2020

Ask Bubba

July 2009

Dear Readers,

   Bubba generally jest reponds to letters, and don't go off sayin' stuff on his own (onna counta it makes his brain hurt), but this time there is sumthing he is gonna pick at. Well, Jest because.

   We was sittin' around the newsroom (kitchen) the other mornin' gettin' the latest on what's goin on in the world, when Bubbette spotted this AP Headline on the Yahoo and called over her shoulder, "Hey Bubba did you writ this headline? This sounds like one of your coleums jes' waiting to happen."

   So we looked, and sho-nuff there it was right betwixt the other important headlines like "Get a free credit report" and "Scientists discover link between drinking water and peeing a lot"

   "Man on porch charged after 6 slain in Tenn., Ala."

   Now this story is real serious, and meaning no disrespect to the famblies, but who the heck came up with the headline?

   This raises a bunch of questions. (Along with Bubba's hackles)

   Was the man charged onna counta being on the porch after 6? Is this some kinda of off-the-wall kerr-few where ya cain't be on yer porch after a certain time? And slain? That is harsh. Back in the day they jest flogged ya fer being out after dark.

   Or maybe this is one of these new de-ziner drugs they gots in Tenn., Ala.? Is it something like Coke, smoke, Cracklin', Porch, Ex-stacy, corn likker? We kin hears it now, one of them talkin' heads interviewin' the neighbor, "He was actin' foolish, like he was all hopped up on Porch or somethin'."

   Or down in the hood.
"Yeah man, I jes' scored me some bad Porch. Wanna Smoke some?

   Would this be sumthing ya smoke or would ya snort it? Bubba is gettin' too old to keep up with this new world. And just where is Tenn., Ala. anyhow? Bubba dunno that either, but he is bettin' there is a FINE trailer park in the center of town.

   Well we couldn't resist reading' the story (which means the headline did it's job after all)

   It turns out some folks were living in what was oncet a skating rink, and this fella, who was kin to them did 'em in. An' when they come to git him, they found him jest a sittin' there on the porch. They wasn't sayin' who all they was or where egg-zackly or why he did it to 'em. In fact no details was really available at the time of the story. We are pretty sure they is holdin' out for a gig with Jerry Springer.

   Anywho, iffin ya want to read the act-shoe-al story, here is (as that Paul Hardly fella woulda said) The rest of the story

   We now returns ya to our regular coleum already in progress. (Iffin ya can call what we do here "Progress",

Bubba

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Dear Bubba,

   We been skrimpin' and savin' and finally got the money together to move outta the doublewide. So, me and May Beth, we is movin' up town.

   Having a new house built is a bit on the skeery side anywho, but the contractor we are usin' is making us a mite nervous. We don't understand some of the stuff he does, but figger it is because we ain't realy mechanical inclined. But when he went ahead and put the new driveway in, it was enough to make us really worry. It's kinda steep-ish.. It works OK in my pick-em-truck with the big mud tires, (even though it won't fit in the garage) but May Beth's low-rider is having a real hard time with it.

   Take a look at the picture included and see what you think. Have we got us a shady contractor or am I just bein' par-tic-u-lar?

  Thanks for your ad-vise,

High-Roller in Lowland, VA

Dear High-Roller,

   Ahhh, yeah. Bubba thinks there is sumthin' fishy goin' on. Have ya seen hide or hair of this contractor since you give him the last installmint check?

   It may be that we is a bit late to help you out on your driveway, but mayhaps we can keeps ya from gettin' took on the rest of the pro-ject. (We can also reccommend a good shop to put a lift kit on the wifey's ride.)

   (Hint - iffin ya is hard of seein' - most of the pics is clicky so you can see 'em bigger)

   First off, when you go to pick a contractor. You might spot a bad guy, if his ID looks like this.

   A good-un will probably look something more like these guys.

   All clean with hardhats and radios and such.

   And they will have somethin' like this on they clip-board.

   This should spell out real clear, what you get and what you gots to pay.

   It's also a good idee to get a look at some of their other work, before you plunk down yer big bucks.

   Here are some Egg-samples of work that oughta make ya thunk twice or so before signin' anything.

First, make sure your new home has a solid foundation.

This ain't egg-zackly the sturdiest way to go, but it shore is quick and cheap.

If yer house is above grade or has a couple floors to it, ya are gonna need some stairs.

Stairs is what really tells iffin the builder knows what he is doin'.

Here is some fine stairs iffin ya don' much care about getting anywhere.

One of the nicer things you can add to yer dream home is a deck or ball-kenny.

But, make shore it has access to a door.

And that there ain't no ob-structions.

Decorative lighting is always nice.

Windows should fit square and keep out the weather.

Commercial construction is differ'nt than residential construction. When planning on a commercial project, make shore yer contractor is ex-spear-ianced in such.

Ex-scale-ators should allow fer people of most average heights to clear without bumpin' they heads.

Bathroom fixtures should have plenty of spacin' betwixt units.

Lastly. Iffin yer pro-ject involves a bridge. Make DERN shore your contractor has a clue about things like proper support betwixt spans.

AND ...

It is pretty important that the contractor can read a blueprint so the all important criticull measurements is pre-cise-ly on plum as the Archy-tech planned it.

On the bright side - when you go to get money to pay for the work, with any luck the same fellers installed the ATM and will unnerstand why they gots to wait fer their money.

   Think we nailed it?,

Bubba

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Disclaimer: Use of the Bogus advice above is probably foolish.
If the commentary O'fends ya, remember, it's all Bubba's fault. Puh-leeze don't hold nobuddy else responsible fer it.
Oh, yeah. Picking a contractor using the advice above is hit or miss about making any sense either.
  But special thanks to alert(?) reader JCC for bringing the Bad Contractor awards to Bubba's attention (deaf-izit dIsOrDer).

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That's all for this month.

If you have a question burnin' a hole in yer noggin, Bubba can help.

Just E-Mail Bubba
askbubba@discoversouthside.com