7:31:32 PM

The Online Magazine FOR and ABOUT Southside Virginia

7/9/2020

Home

About

Events

Contact

Advertise

Nov '08 Contents

Nov '08 Cover
____

Articles

Discovering Southside
West Line to the Blue Ridge (Discovering series)

My Shelves Are Full
and So's My Heart

By Gert Slabach

__________

Depot Poker Run
Event Article

Event Photo Gallery

__________

"Treat Yourself To Art" - Photos
South of the (VA/NC) border - Art Gallery Event

The Straight Leg Infantryman
A Tribute
By Paul M. Steube

 

Columns

South Winds
(Joy Of The Game)
By FCOIT

On The Funside
(Bringing the Family Closer for Halloween)
By Amy Hanek

Ask Bubba - Advice
(Parody)
A Bubba Thanksgiving


Departments

Editor's Page
(Gratitude)

V & B Comics
(Verrnack & Blupirk - Fun in the Fall Woods)

Festivals & Events

Past Issues

Past Issues are available from June 2008 through the current issue.
Select the desired issue from the drop-down box below.

 

 


Ask Bubba


Thanksgiving with Bubba

 

Dear Mr. Bubba,

   My name is Jonni Sue and I am in the 6th grade at 'possum Creek Middle School.
   My teacher has been telling us some stuff about the history of Thanksgiving and some of it sounds kinda fishy. Moma says they have got all po'litical correct and just don't teach history in schools like they used to. So I thought I would write to you and see if I could get some real old fashin'd history, like it was when you was a kid.

  Signed,

Wonderin' in Waxhaw

 

Dear Wonderin' in Waxhaw,

   Well thank you for writing Jonni Sue. (She called me Mr., Now ain't that sweet?!)
   Bubba ain't quite as old as you might think, and he wasn't around back when they had the first Thanksgiving. But he will try to bring you up to snuff on the history as best he knows it.
   Now I gotta warn ya, Bubba tends to call an acorn an acorn, so I hope nobody gets all O-Fended by this version of:

"The History Of Thanksgiving According to Bubba."

   A real long time ago, there was this bunch called either the Pilgrams or the New England Patriots (accordin' to which version you believe) who decided to find some new Real Estate to squat on. Well, they took off across the ocean in covered wagons, which didn't work out so good, because wagons don't float worth a hoot. So just before they sunk, they landed on a Plymouth - causing them the become extinct. (You will notice there are no more Plymouths - I rest my case.)

   Side Note: Years, later, some guy named Lee CokaCola got a bunch of money from the King to bring back them Plymouths, but they didn't make it that time either. But that's another story.

   Anyway, after they got squared away on that score they opened another can of worms.

   It seems, some fella named Miles who was kinda Stand-Off-ish, had a hankerin' for this here local gal called Polka Whatsis. Well that made her pa mad somethin' fierce and he came after ol' Miles, fixin' to either ruff him up or make him marry his daughter.

   But Miles was purdy cagey and passed him off on this guy John Austin (who was cousins with that famous wrassler fellow Steve Austin) who whompped up on that gals Pa. This started the feud betwixt the locals and the pilgrams. As such things go, it coulda got ugly, but some other feller came up with the idea for the two sides to settle they differences with a game of toss the pig instead of it comin' to a shootin' affair.

   And that was how the first Stupor Bowl came to be.

   So they all decided to let By-Gones be By-Gones and ordered a big mess o' take-out for dinner. (It was supposed ta be a pot-luck deal, but the visitors had to provide the vittles, and they didn't know much about how to hunt or make home cooking. )

   Since it all worked out in the long run, and we are thankful that the home team didn't kill us all, it became known as Thanksgiving.

   And that is how we gots the tradition of having a big meal followed by falling asleep in front of the Football game.

   - The End -

 

   Hope this straightens things out,

Bubba

------------------------

 

Dear Bubba,

   Good day to Yun,

   I was jest thankyn about Thanxsgivin and I's guess we's has to go to the inlaws and lets me tell yun theys is rednecks. Whys just last yer theys had Thanxsgivin raw writs there in the livin room. Now I's know I's can be redneck but I's dont know abots them.
   Plez help me injoy this Thanxsgivin with the inlaws.

   pleaze pleaze help bubba

  Signed,

Butch H
Sumwheres in Southside

 

Dear Butch,

   Bubba ain't sure you ain't an imposter. First thing is, what the heck is a Yun? It sounds an awfull lot like that You-nze thing they say up thar in Pensyl-tucky. You shure there ain't a Yankee in your wood pile sumwhere? Plus, Yun come off even more RedNeck than Bubba, and tha's a stretch.

   But seein' as how you took the time to write, and it does sounds like you are in a fix, we'll see what we can do fer ya.

   Ol' Bubba ain't never left a feller hangin'.... Yet.

   Fo' better or worst, Thanksgiving is a family holiday. So you sometimes gots to put up with the in-laws (or Outlaws in Bubba's case). If you are invited to their house for eats you hafta deal with their traditions. Even if they are a bit over the top.

   Now, wrasslin' (Even ThanksGivin' Raw), like Football, is an undellib I mean irrevakable, dang-it, part of Thanksgiving ya jest can't get rid of.   (Was ya payin' attention to the history lesson above?)   So ya just have to make the best of it.

   If you want to make life easy on yoreself, ya gotta smootch up a bit. Win 'em over with yore charm. Well, OK. Maybe here's a better idea. You can either feed 'em or distract 'em.

   There's a couple ways to go about impressin' the in-laws. You can either bring some fancy grub to feed the crew, or you can bring along some entertainment.

   For fancy fixins' here's a suggestion.

   Iffin you watch the Food Network, you mighta heard of that Ol' Gal Paula Deen from down in South Caroliny som'eres. Well sir, she has a recipe for this dish called a Turducken. Tha's a Chicken, inside a Duck, all stuffed into a Turkey. Now that might be a bit high-Falutin' for yore in-laws if they is as redneck as you say. So try one of these straight from Bubba's Kitchen.

   Moo-hog-ison

   That's a Cow stuffed with a pig, packed up with venison.
   MMMMMmm Good eats.

   If that's a bit stiff for yore budget (or still too highbrow for the folks), you might try:

   "Ground Rabel".

   A Squirrel, inside a Rabbit, inside a Ground Hog.

   Good down home fare, and a quick way to clean out the freezer for this year's hunt.

   For side dishes try

  • 'possom Fritters
  • Bar-B-Que Gritts
  • Catfish Stuffin'

   Once you got them all fed, you can drag 'em out in the yard for one of the low-buck games pictured below.

 

Redneck Horseshoes

Pin the plunger

   Hope this helps you survive the day with the in-laws.

 

   Happy Turkey Day,

Bubba

 

------------------------

 

That's all for this month.

If you have a question burnin' a hole in yer noggin, Bubba can help.

Just E-Mail Bubba
askbubba@discoversouthside.com 

 

------------------------

 

Disclaimer: Use of the Bogus advice above is probably foolish.

  The recipes from Bubba's kitchen above have not been tested or aproved by the FDA, FHA, CDC, NFL, PTA, AFL-CIO, EIEIO or pretty much any other organization. If you try them, be sure to save Bubba a slice or three. He likes his rare.

 

Ask Bubba - Archives

Dec 2009

Nov 2009

Oct 2009

Sept 2009

August 2009

July 2009

June 2009

May 2009

April 2009

March 2009

February 2009

January 2009

December 2008

November 2008

October 2008

September 2008

August 2008

July 2008

June 2008

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertise with Discover Southside

Put your business in front of local customers.


Your ad on Discover Southside reaches local customers all over Southern and Central Virginia.

For rates and information E-Mail
Ad Manager

 

 

 

Discover Southside
PO Box 1061
South Boston, VA 24592
URL: http://www.discoversouthside.com
Copyright © 2008-11 Discover Southside

 -