5:39:00 PM

The Online Magazine FOR and ABOUT Southside Virginia

2/14/2026

Ask Bubba

Dear Bubba,
   My new Ol' lady has got a buncha cats. I love her an' all but I'll be danged if I know what to do about all these darn cats. There's hair everywhere and they's unner foot all the time. I would toss 'em all out in the yard, but the cat lady already told me if I harm one hair there is gonna be hail to pay.
   Can you help?

  Signed,

Dawg Luver
What's a Cat-man-do, VA

Dear Dawg Luver,

   Iffin yer used to dawgs, cats is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. [Personal'y Bubba likes Pigs. As that Winston Churchy feller once said, "Dogs look up to us, cats look down at us, pigs treat us as equals." But that ain't whatcha axed]

   First, ya gots ta cornsider keepin' the cats collected and organized. This ain't real easy. Iffin ya ever heard the phrase, "this is gonna be about as easy as heardin' cats", you know even though they was being whatcha call, sorecastic it is a fitting egg-sample of uselessness. But all is not lost, there is ways of sorting out all these cats and keepin' 'em from gettin' unner foot at least some of the time.

   Check out these handy cat stowage units, from Cats-is-us.

   If yer short on space this verticle unit is just the ticket. It don't take up much foot space in the kitchen.

   If ya needs to go on the cheap, this one is a real DIY special.

   Constructed from likker cases and some old craft paper, this gives new meaning to emptyin' the cat box.

   If you are feeling flush (don't get no idears) and wanna impress the new missus, for just a couple dollars more you can go with this chrome style rack. Just the thing if you wanna stack 'em up in the closet or next to your shiney pick-em-up truck out in the garage.

   Last on the list, if the missus is big on decking the halls around the holidays, here is a festive way to display the critters. Best way to keep 'em outta the punch bowl might just be to put them IN these left over Frozen Maggy-Rita buckets.

   Like they say south of the border, "Fleas Navy Dad".
Or something like that.

   Now that you got them cat-critters all stowed away proper, you gotta know about some basic cat maintenance.

   Namely how to wash your cat.

   Now some cats will out an' out volunteer to git washed. With them ya just gotta help 'em out a bit with a gentle nudge.

   With some other ones ya gotta be a little more whatcha call, Hands on. If you gots one of the difficult ones here are the steps to properly wash 'em.

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which is generally found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

   Hey,git away from that computer, you good-fer-nuttin' flea-bitten mutts. You know you ain't supposed to be in here when Bubba ain't.

   Sorry folks, Bubba shoulda never left the door open while he is away. Now what them no good houn' dawgs o' Bubba's been trying to pull here?
   Bubba will check it out and make it right in the next issue.

   Until next time,

Bubba

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Disclaimer: Use of the Bogus advice above is probably foolish.
And in some parts of the country it might even git ya shot.

  An' we ain't even gonna get into the whole animal crew-el-tee thing.

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That's all for this month.

If you have a question burnin' a hole in yer noggin, Bubba can help.

Just E-Mail Bubba
askbubba@discoversouthside.com